DEAR DEIDRE: I’m desperate to explore my role-playing fantasies with my wife, but issues from her past have stopped her wanting sex at all.
The last thing I want is to make her uncomfortable, but I’m feeling rejected and miss intimacy.
She’s 32 and I’m 37. We’ve been married for six years and have always had a tricky sex life, but around a year ago she stopped sleeping with me entirely.
Every time I tried to touch her, she’d push me away, telling me she wasn’t in the mood.
Eventually, she admitted she’d been struggling with sex after memories of being molested by her step-brother had resurfaced.
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While I’m sympathetic and have done my best to support her, I would be lying if I said I didn’t miss sex.
Now every night I lie in bed imagining all the naughty things I’d like us to do together.
And when I visited the doctor for a routine checkup I found myself fantasising about role-playing as a doctor and patient with my wife.
I don’t want to push her into sex, or make her feel uncomfortable, but I’m becoming beyond frustrated.
What can I do?
DEIDRE SAYS: Your wife is clearly having a difficult time, so it’s not surprising it's impacting your relationship.
Unfortunately, since her trauma is related to sex, it’s likely it will take time to work through this before you can return to a healthy physical relationship.
However, with the right help, you will be able to get closer again.
Give her my Abused as a Child support pack and encourage her to talk to NAPAC - National Association for People Abused in Childhood (napac.org.uk, tel: 0808 801 0331).
They also have advice for friends or family of survivors of childhood abuse.
For now, the idea of roleplay is likely to overwhelm her, so take a step back until she is comfortable with intimacy again.
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