DEAR DEIDRE: My abusive ex is begging me for another chance to fix our relationship, but my gut is screaming ‘Don’t go back!’
I love and miss him so much but I don’t know whether I can really believe he’s changed.
I’m 29 and he’s 31. We’ve been together for eight years.
He’s been emotionally abusive throughout our relationship, putting me down and gaslighting me, and calling me horrible names.
He’s also been occasionally violent - throwing plates and shoving me.
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A few weeks ago, I had enough. I was visiting my parents when I got a message from him, which was controlling and nasty.
Something snapped in me. I WhatsApped him, saying I wasn’t ever coming home and it was over.
I got a friend to go round and collect my stuff while he was at work.
Since then he’s not stopped calling, texting, or sending presents. He promises he won’t ever be abusive again and says he can’t live without me.
I don’t know what to do. I’m so confused.
DEIDRE SAYS: As much as you love and miss him, you should listen to your gut.
He hasn’t changed. He’s just saying what he knows you need to hear because he wants you back.
Real change takes time and effort. If he really wants to prove himself, refer him to the Freedom Programme, a course for abusive men (freedomprogramme.co.uk, tel:01942 262 270).
Read my support pack, Abusive Partner, which provides information on organisations you can talk to.
Stay strong and confide in your parents.
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